“I don’t want anyone to think of him as the ‘bad kid’ in his class!” my friend wailed. Her youngest child was struggling in the classroom. He had a hard time staying focused during lessons. His desk and book cubby were a confetti parade of crumpled papers, chewed erasers, and books with bent spines. Her first two children had sailed through school, with top grades and assignments turned in on time.
But this youngest child of hers was giving everyone a run for their money.
Unfortunately, many of our school systems see kids who make good grades and who are organized as ‘good’ students. And kids who struggle in the traditional classroom setting are often seen as problematic or misbehaving or ‘immature.’ But are grades and tidy folders the true measure?
Many top inventors, business leaders, artists, and innovators in our history have been people who didn’t always fit well into the typical patterns of academic success. We know this, and we know that many of these people had different ways of learning and ideating.
But when your child’s report card isn’t what you’d hoped and when their teacher is calling you in for yet another parent/teacher conference, what can you do to help your child in their academic experience?
1 in 5 children are identified as having learning and thinking differences in the U.S. today. And it’s tough for school systems to accommodate for the unique wiring that shows up in kids’ brains and bodies. If your child is struggling in the classroom, does that mean that they may be dealing with a learning difference? Maybe. But maybe not. Keep the following in mind when your child is struggling:
The student/teacher relationship may not be a great fit. We’ve got amazing educational professionals working hard and doing their best with our kids today. But that doesn’t mean that the chemistry is always right between your child and their teacher. If your child’s teacher seems to genuinely like your child and is wanting to partner with you to find answers, your child may be in the right spot. If the teacher seems to be frustrated with your child and doesn’t want to collaborate with you and incorporate your insights into your child, it’s probably time to work with the school’s principal to find a better situation for your child.
Kids’ brains develop and mature at different rates…and it doesn’t always match up with birthdays and scholastic curricula.
While general academic goals and testing can help set a template for the year, not every kid is ready for what’s on the syllabus. And when your child struggles with getting lessons done in the prescriptive timeframe, it can leave your child feeling like they aren’t measuring up and it can leave you feeling like you’re doing something wrong. But the reality is that our scholastic templates and measures are concepts of typical learning models, not rock-solid indicators of your child’s development.
It’s not wrong for our educational systems to give us some kind of idea as to where our children could be in the scope of the curriculum we’d like to see them achieve throughout their elementary, middle school, and high school years. But those markers may not always match where your child is in their developmental arc. While it’s healthy for your child to know that doing their best and having responsibility in their assignments is an important precept, it’s also important for them to know that grades are not the most accurate measure of their effort, intention, and heart.
Get the pros involved.
It can feel very personal when you’re grappling with educational challenges with your child. You may find yourself at odds with your local school, or you may find that you, alongside of your child’s teachers, are scratching your heads trying to figure out what to do. Your school district may offer further testing and observation by educational specialists, but don’t hesitate to get your own educational counselor and your pediatrician involved as well. Sometimes undiagnosed vision or hearing issues could be at the root of your child’s challenges. (1 in 6 children have undiagnosed vision issues that cause difficulties in the classroom for them and 15% of children have hearing loss, which often goes undetected and can look like learning disorders.)
You may learn that your child has an identifiable learning disorder. While it might not feel like it at first, this news can ultimately be good for your child and for you; huge advancements have been made in techniques and technologies that can help a variety of learning disorders. When you have more information about the way your child learns, what is hindering that process, and the tools available to help, you can help your child feel more empowered in the classroom.
Ultimately, it was revealed that my friend’s youngest child was grappling with ADHD and some milder forms of dysgraphia and dyslexia. Armed with this information, my friend and her husband were able to make adaptations to her son’s learning environment. And most importantly, they were able to release themselves and their son from the idea that he wasn’t being a ‘good’ student. Her son is an incredibly personable, funny, innovative kid, and it’s now easier than ever to celebrate him for who he is.
Academic performance is not the full measure of your child. Their creativity, humor, joy, thoughtfulness, empathy, deep feelings, and artistic and athletic abilities, these are the components that make them them. Celebrate when they do a good job on an assignment in which they’ve done their best. Reduce the overemphasis on grades. And remember to enjoy your child for who they are, inside the classroom and out.
- https://www.ncld.org/news/newsroom/the-state-of-ld-understanding-the-1-in-5/#:~:text=Among%20the%20report’s%20findings%3A,such%20as%20dyslexia%20and%20ADHD
- https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3114988/
- https://www.healthyhearing.com/report/52433-How-hearing-loss-affects-school-performance
- https://www.ldrfa.org/the-top-5-most-common-learning-disabilities-their-symptoms/
Academic performance is not the full measure of your child. Their creativity, humor, joy, thoughtfulness, empathy, deep feelings, and artistic and athletic abilities, these are the components that make them them. Celebrate when they do a good job on an assignment in which they’ve done their best. Reduce the overemphasis on grades. And remember to enjoy your child for who they are, inside the classroom and out.
Julie Lyles Carr is a best-selling author, podcaster, and entrepreneur living in Austin, Texas, with her husband Mike Carr. They have eight kids, two unfriendly cats, and an antique dachshund.